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  (#166)
bumsnogger
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03.22.2012, 11:14 AM

Chavs are like skidmarks in the toilet bowl. It's often fun to piss 'em off :)
   
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  (#167)
lincpimp
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03.22.2012, 01:47 PM

Had to look up and see what a "Chav" was. Funny, I call them wiggers, but the same thing.
   
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Old
  (#168)
josh9mille
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03.30.2012, 11:16 AM

Q: what's 8 inches long, hard as a rock, and full off semen?


A: The sock under your bed


Built Ford tough, with Chevy stuff.
   
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  (#169)
josh9mille
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04.21.2012, 02:21 AM

Dick Clark died? That was rather sudden wasn't it? I mean they didn't even do a countdown or anything


Built Ford tough, with Chevy stuff.
   
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Old
  (#170)
bumsnogger
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05.25.2012, 08:32 AM

What key can get into anything? A pikey :)
   
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Old
  (#171)
Bondonutz
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05.26.2012, 07:42 PM

ONLY A MAN
WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that: A one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

A two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

A three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, ' Don 't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil olething couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE...!!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, One note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. •My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. •The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. •My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. •My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. •I had no control over the drooling. •Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone. •I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS:My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!


I retired from RC, now life is all about guns and long range shooting.
   
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Old
  (#172)
jayjay283
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05.26.2012, 09:43 PM

what will licking a 2s lipo do ? Im about there
   
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  (#173)
Bondonutz
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05.26.2012, 09:48 PM

Its common to check a 9v alkaline with the tip of the tongue, rather see you try a 3s lipo ?

Get video !


I retired from RC, now life is all about guns and long range shooting.
   
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  (#174)
bumsnogger
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05.28.2012, 10:08 AM

Andy from disney's toy story's favourite toys are called Woody & Buzz, So are his mums :)
   
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Old
  (#175)
_paralyzed_
working on a brushless for my wheelchair.....
 
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05.28.2012, 02:39 PM

inspired by bondo's 9v battery comment above^

What do a 9v battery and a girl's butthole have in common?

You know you shouldn't, but you take a lick anyway.


_______________________________________

It's "Dr. _paralyzed_" actually. Not like with a PhD, but Doctor like in Dr. Pepper.
   
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Old
  (#176)
josh9mille
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05.29.2012, 11:55 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by _paralyzed_ View Post
inspired by bondo's 9v battery comment above^

What do a 9v battery and a girl's butthole have in common?

You know you shouldn't, but you take a lick anyway.
Ok thats gross, please pass me the barf bucket.....


Built Ford tough, with Chevy stuff.
   
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Old
  (#177)
Chadworkz
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05.30.2012, 07:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by josh9mille View Post
Ok thats gross, please pass me the barf bucket.....
If you want to rock your girl's world, give it a try (but, just the edge, please)!


-Chad
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Old
  (#178)
Bondonutz
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05.30.2012, 08:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chadworkz View Post
If you want to rock your girl's world, give it a try (but, just the edge, please)!
It must do something, Hippie and Harold have ben inseparable even since the sleep over years ago.


I retired from RC, now life is all about guns and long range shooting.
   
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  (#179)
Bondonutz
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05.30.2012, 08:28 PM



I retired from RC, now life is all about guns and long range shooting.
   
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Old
  (#180)
josh9mille
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05.30.2012, 10:35 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chadworkz View Post
If you want to rock your girl's world, give it a try (but, just the edge, please)!
Even in the heat of the moment that doesnt sound like a good idea. If she wants her butthole licked, its gonna have to involve some peanut butter and the dog. Besides she wont even go ATM so why would she expect me to do it? lol.


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